Silly 'Me'

Today's someone's birthday - whom I call as my Chechi. But then, there is this silly-me telling you this story! Welcome to some of my non-sense clatter!

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The sky was clear and blue a few hours back. But now, it’s all crowded with clouds…some white and some dark. I feel like my mind is out there on display. Yes! I feel like my mind is crowded like the sky above me. I cannot see anything straight. I’m asking this question myself for quite a few hundred times since morning…”What’s wrong with me?”. I never got to know this, world!

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She may have waited for me, to wish her. She may have hoped that I would message her at 3:20 pm. I mean, just Maybe! But then, I’ve to consider this. And, that is what I was doing all this while.

She has numerous friends and lovable relatives. They would have wished her already. She would have got what she needed already. She would be happy already. If not more, she would have got things which would have made her day – in the least.

Well, she has quite a lot of lovable souls – than I can never manage to get in my whole life! I hate to say this out loud. But it’s truth after all. I can’t deny it any longer. I’m the somber and boring girl ever. That’s what everyone says! I don’t know what made the crazy-me hide forever. But, I lost her sometime ago. All these people around me have this “kewl/cool” aura around them. And, with them, I always feel like the ‘left-out’.

Though I try my wits out, I always end up being called upon as ‘nerd’ – oh yes, a lonely freak. Again, “What’s wrong with me?”

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A year ago, on this very same day…I was planning a little surprise for her birthday. But there came that gang of people – the gang that I was supposed to be a part of. I was persuaded to be a part of ‘their’ surprise. I hated that. But the little part of my brain said, “I’ve to be there for her. She might need me (just maybe!)”.

So yes! We went to her house. Their surprise took a toll. And there was chatting, loud-happy-birthday-song, cake-cuttings, laughing, and picture-captures. And I was forced myself into a corner. They always seem to be ‘hyper’ – atleast for me. As always I was called as ‘silent and studious’ (Boring – coated as studious). There was this thing ‘GIFTS’. I always thought ‘material things can never say your love for one, more than the words can’. And it’s obvious that I cannot speak for myself, I wrote them mostly.

After some time, they were all giving their ‘special gifts’ to her and posing for pictures with her. And, I felt little with my silly-greeting-card with the sillier-poem. And, there went my little surprise, down the drain.

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I was re-living those moments since morning. I cannot deny that she will happy. As in, she will be happy ‘even without me’. She has people to make her life happy. And I’m not the one to complete the picture. I’m just the one out-of-the-frame.

I just wanted to tell her this today – after a lot of inward battle!

People broke me…as I’m easily broken.

But, there you were sometime in line,

Making me feel like, I’m special.

But I can’t deny you’re out-of-my-league,

I don’t belong where you do.

Actually, I belong nowhere!

But, thanks for what you did.

For I lived a little of my life with you.

At least!

I know it’s insignificant. Negligible may be! But I wish you great days ahead (No, I won’t wish you Happy Birthday!). And I Really Love You Lot with my whole heart (how insignificant and out-of-phase it may seem). I do!

Sorry,

-Sp-